Thursday, May 26, 2011

In HIS time

The Fruit of the Spirit that I lack the most is PATIENCE. I like to know what needs to happen and get it done.

God has been been speaking to me about this the past few days as it relates to adopting. I know that He has called my heart to adopt, but I have not stepped back before now to look for His timing. The very same week we decided to adopt, we found out I was pregnant with Ellianna. This is going to sound terrible, but I was a bit frustrated at first. I knew that most agencies will not process your adoption while you are expecting, and require you to wait until your youngest is a certain age. I decided though that we would just wait until the baby was the required 3 months old this summer, and then get the ball moving again with our home study. It was earlier this week when I started thinking again about what the next step is, that a song popped into my head that I have not heard in years. "In His time....In His time...He makes all things beautiful in His time...". I had to stop and think. I realized that I have been pushing ahead; making checklists and deadlines without even considering what HIS timing may be. There have been way too many things in my path that have been saying to slow down. I feel convicted...stopped in my busy tracks...I need to focus on what is here now. God has given us challenges to work through with our son, hurdles to cross with our infant daughter, a marriage that can always use special attention. I am not fond of waiting... but God knows all my inner workings and knows I need the practice. So here we are... time to strengthen what He has given us and wait on the things to come.

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Monday, May 23, 2011

Catching Up

LIFE got in the way of blogging. So here is a little update on life…
Little Ellianna is 2 and a half months old now. She tipped the scales at 6 pounds today!

The past 2 months have been a roller coaster of ups and downs. We finally got Ellie home after battling brain bleeds, digestive problems, and trouble feeding. She had 3 blood transfusions while in the hospital and surgery to place a shunt to drain the excess fluid from her brain. She fought hard and even gave a little attitude. 2 days after celebrating Easter, after 8 weeks in the NICU, we tucked her tiny little self into a car seat for the first time and drove her home to begin the rest of her life.
We all kept pinching ourselves for the first few days, basking in the surrealness of having her home. The older 3 are mesmerized by her. She sleeps a lot. Moments of quiet are punctuated by the shrill squeal of her monitor alerting us that she is not breathing or her heart rate is too low. She still will not nurse much, but she takes a bottle like a champ. Most of all, she is perfect. Beautiful, soft, delicate. A CAPTIVATING reminder of what an awesome Creator we serve.
This past week she had surgery again. She needs to have a permanent VP shunt put in to help her brain function. Unfortunately, there is still too much blood in her brain to do this. They went in on Wednesday to provide a temporary fix for now. We are expecting in 3 or 4 weeks she will need surgery again, hopefully to install the permanent shunt.
The first surgery was terrifying. She was so tiny, so fragile. They had to resuscitate her…then she was not waking up… a whole nother day on the ventilator…scared she might never wake up. She held on though. The second surgery was smoother. No complications and she woke right up. Being more alert this time meant she had more pain, but her cries were strangely comforting.
Today I was thinking… this journey has been hard… I have been scared and at times angry. God has provided for us all along the way. He has kept her safe and allowed us to keep His precious gift. I know that is not the case for every parent. Mommies and Daddies have had to kiss their sweet babies goodbye. They have gone home with empty arms and aching hearts. It humbles me to realize how GRACIOUS He has been through all of this. I want to savor each precious moment with Ellianna.
I was reading through my friend Linda’s blog today; she has been posting about Ellianna and asking her friends to pray. There is note after note of people….families, parents, children…on their knees for our sweet baby girl. People we have never met or even spoken to. People whose names we do not even know. The tears flowed. I am so humbled and touched and awed at what God is doing for us. Makes it seem silly that my faith is so small.
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