This may prompt more questions than answers, but just as we have a close circle of friends and family walking us through this, we also covet the prayers and support of so many of you that have joined our lives from millions of miles away these past few years.
For some time we have known something isn’t right. I have not been well. One doctor appointment has led to one after another, testings, admissions, treatments, questions. The ever-frustrating battle of insurance and availability of doctors, and whether or not I am considered worthy of their time.
The months have dragged with a great deal of fear. I have been tormented with a myriad of symptoms, leaving me unsure of my abilities to continue as a wife, a mother, a paramedic.
My ever-faithful husband has remained my steadfast rock, even as he has been recovering from his own injury and surgery. He has continued to press forward for me, to search for answers, to do more so I can do less, and to assure me of hope on the days I can’t see through my tears.
We are coming to the end of the questions and the beginning of the answers. It has taken a long time to confirm. It has left me weak, with a stutter, in a great deal of pain, dependent on braces, therapy, and medications. It has brought me to my knees with an unwilling spirit, a failing hope, and yet surrounded by such an amazing group of family and friends that have continued to hold me up when I haven’t had the strength or the will.
We are hoping and praying for the least-invasive treatments, and for not just management, but for healing. For days when I can tickle and run and snuggle again without having to think about pain or weakness. I struggle to believe in healing and in miracles anymore, but I have a steadfast army who believes FOR me.
Please join us in our prayers. I haven’t handled it with much grace, but I am overwhelmed at the people who have fought for me when I have been too discouraged.
My sweet Baylie said the other day, “it’s ok Mommy, you just have a glitch.” (if you’ve seen Wreck It Ralph you will understand, if not, you need to rent it now). It was just a reminder of how my family has never left my side, has accepted me no matter the prognosis, and will stir in me the strength to push on.