This may prompt more questions than answers, but just as we have a close circle of friends and family walking us through this, we also covet the prayers and support of so many of you that have joined our lives from millions of miles away these past few years.
For some time we have known something isn’t right. I have not been well. One doctor appointment has led to one after
another, testings, admissions, treatments, questions. The ever-frustrating battle of insurance and
availability of doctors, and whether or not I am considered worthy of their
time.
The months have dragged with a great deal of fear. I have been tormented with a myriad of
symptoms, leaving me unsure of my abilities to continue as a wife, a mother, a
paramedic.
My ever-faithful husband has remained my steadfast rock, even
as he has been recovering from his own injury and surgery. He has continued to press forward for me, to
search for answers, to do more so I can do less, and to assure me of hope on
the days I can’t see through my tears.
We are coming to the end of the questions and the beginning
of the answers. It has taken a long time
to confirm. It has left me weak, with a
stutter, in a great deal of pain, dependent on braces, therapy, and
medications. It has brought me to my knees
with an unwilling spirit, a failing hope, and yet surrounded by such an amazing
group of family and friends that have continued to hold me up when I haven’t
had the strength or the will.
We are hoping and
praying for the least-invasive treatments, and for not just management, but for
healing. For days when I can tickle and
run and snuggle again without having to think about pain or weakness. I struggle to believe in healing and in
miracles anymore, but I have a steadfast army who believes FOR me.
Please join us in our prayers. I haven’t handled it with much grace, but I
am overwhelmed at the people who have fought for me when I have been too
discouraged.
My sweet Baylie said the other day, “it’s ok Mommy, you just
have a glitch.” (if you’ve seen Wreck It
Ralph you will understand, if not, you need to rent it now). It was just a reminder of how my family has
never left my side, has accepted me no matter the prognosis, and will stir in
me the strength to push on.
Please leave me a comment; it lets me know you're listening!
You're in my prayers daily, Hannah. For your broken heart and for the physical challenges you are facing. You're right, I do have questions. I'm so sorry you're going through all this pain. I'm also glad for the love your family and friends are giving you. Please count me in. I care about you very much. You may not have all the faith, hope and grace you think you should have, but I've learned that sometimes it doesn't come easily; it's a process, and God IS at the center of it all.
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Sue
Wow, Hannah. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. You have a beautiful family surrounding you. Praying for answers and healing!!!
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